Palliative Drug

Get these thoughts out of my head!

Will things ever change?

on 27 February 2010

Sometimes, changes are not really a good thing.

Sometimes, things that remain the same aren’t that great either.

Years have passed & i sometimes feel that there had been good changes. But then there were times where the same disappointing situations will occur over & over again.

how i hope that everything is perfect. but it’s not. and i worry that it will never be perfect. it will be an endless & tiring journey of disappointments… low self-esteem… frustrations…. oversensitivity… hurt… and whatever.

touching another girl’s hand so easily. it doesn’t even make you feel any discomfort? so wat if you dun have any intentions? does touching a girl’s hand w/o intentions make you a saint? i dun see uncle simon touching any girl’s hand. all the while he has been this way. no farkin respect for me. look at his friend’s gf’s boobs? letting his auntie lick honey off his finger? farkin damn gross.

maybe i can never trust again. he doesn’t really care…. wait 6 hours before he tries to set things right? it’s ridiculous.

empty words of sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry……. fark all the sorry’s. empty bullshit. wat’s the point of saying sorry when you dun ever change? can ppl change? ppl can never change if they have been saying sorry for the same thing for the past few yrs.

maybe it’s over. but can there really be a solid break? it’s not to the point where it’s extreme badness…. but yet sometimes it does feel like it is yrs of torture.

how can i love someone who dun give a shit abt me. 6 hours later and the person calls you then you say sorry? yup. feeling very sorry indeed.

when will i ever learn that i dun mean a thing to you.

Then there is one time where we were arguing in a carpark in Orchard.  Then you banged your own head on the steering wheel and later threatened to jump off the 3rd storey of that carpark.  And while we were on the street of Orchard, you yelled loudly at a traffic junction & pushed me.

You also got my pager number and HOME ADDRESS when you joined M1 as one of their employee. HOW PSYCHO IS THAT?!?! When I got that Christmas Card from you, I was so shocked & puzzled how you knew where I lived.

All these happened in a mere 3yrs (or maybe more), I couldn’t rmbr anymore.


So will things ever change?

I believe it can now. That is if I can be able to break free from all those unhappiness & believe that I deserve better.

Note: The situations as stated above came from my own, my friends & experiences which I heard from others.

Some of these ppl (including myself) have moved on from our difficulties & emotionally abusive relationships. Some of us found a better partner & are living happily now.

However, there are a few of them who get stuck in the same bad things that happened to them over & over & over again. I do wonder why they allow themselves to stay in the same bad place for so long & accepting it. I do realize that some of them are afraid of changes. They tell me, “what if i leave this & enter into something worse?”.

Will things ever change for them?

At least I know that I have moved on to something better. Now my current boyfriend is a much better change than what I have experienced in the past. Of course nobody’s perfect, but at least he tries to be a better person. I’m not perfect either & I try to accommodate him too… … … … must improve the quality of my farts…. make them smell like flowers.

Things will change. For better or for worse. You will be in control of your own destiny.


One response to “Will things ever change?

  1. […] read it, you can either scroll backwards on my blog or if you’re too lazy, you can just click HERE on this […]

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