Palliative Drug

Get these thoughts out of my head!

Released Blog Post

I’m such a procrastinator.

I recently set up this blog in wordpress.com, trial & error with passwords & other mini experiments in this place. Anyway…….. the moral of the story is that I have just finished a blog post titled, “Will Things Ever Change”. Actually you might have seen it before but it was protected by password…. …. becuz at that time I wanted to see how the password thing works, but I haven’t completed the blog post & then I left it in there for some time & decided to abandon it by trashing it, but then I decided to un-trash it again so I can work on it. hahahaha… anyway, if you wan to read it, you can either scroll backwards on my blog or if you’re too lazy, you can just click HERE on this link.

I still have a post on CNY 2010 coming up, but I’m again too lazy to work on it yet. But it’s not as if anyone’s waiting to see it. I just feel like ranting today randomly.

OK… i’m off to watch Heroes 4 now. Hiro has tumour. Syler lost his memory & is living with some carnival freaks. There’s a deaf girl who can see colors. Can’t wait to see what happens next!

Did I also mention that I found out that Daddy reads my blog?!?!?!?!! YAY!!! *BIG KISS TO DADDY*!!! And if you get to see him, you can boost his morale by saying that he has no more belly now. Daddy has officially lost a whole bunch of weight. Plus he loves ppl to praise him.

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Jack Neo Scandal

There is so much hype on this stupid, mildly replusive scandal about our 50-yr old Jack Neo who had a 2-yr affair with a 22-yr old unimpressive-looking model.

Therefore I feel no need to blog about this since I’m sure at least 1 million bloggers would have blogged about this already. And ppl will feel bored if they click on my blog & read (yet another) post on Jack Neo.

So I shall just refrain from blogging about details of Jack Neo who is our very own Tiger Woods. I’m so proud of him… we finally have a Hollywood-style worthy scandal. But why must we always copy & paste from other countries? It’s like our variety programs are somewhat similar to Taiwan programs. Our drama serials are somewhat copied from HK. Now even our scandals also must copy from Hollywood / USA.

Can’t we just have an original piece of work?

*pauses*

… … … actually Ris Low is rather original… … … *feels proud for fellow Singaporeans*… She’s so boomz… hahahahaha… omg…. i can’t believe that the best we have is Ris Low. What’s going on Singapore!!!!!?????

Seriously are there no more good loyal successful intelligent guys in this world?

If you wan to cheat, then at least be a man & admit it like George Clooney who made it super clear to all his women & to the public that he doesn’t intend to settle down. Like that it’s fair to the women becuz they will not put so much hope on him & can just feel at ease to spend his money on material things. There will be this mutual understanding that George Clooney will one day say to his girl, “thank you ma’am, it has been fun but I met this other cocktail waitress the other day & I’m going to bring her to events from now onwards”. Then the ex-girl can go home & kiss all her material goods while reminiscing the sex-times with George Clooney & hope that Gerald Butler will her next no-strings attached Sugar Daddy.

Seriously, there is such a hooha surrounding men like Tiger Woods & Jack Neo is becuz nobody likes to be lied to. They portray themselves as friggin holy men whose lives circle around their family. Then actually they are just lowly chee ko pei’s. And they dun only chee ko pei one time. They chee ko pei with many many many women!!! Not only that, all their women are either loose women who hopes that these lechers can help them make it big in the movie industry, or they are paid women. Why Tiger Jack (their situation is so similar that they deserve to share a name) behave like those Geylang chee ko pei’s??? You know those old dirty uncles who smoke too much, drink too much and sit at the coffeeshop all night, looking at China/Vietnam prostitutes walk by or stand along Geylang streets? Then when these lecher uncles stare until they finally get an erection, they approach the filthy hookers for a quick (or not quick) fark… depending how long they can hold their erections.

But whether it is Tiger Woods or Jack Neo, the news of their many underground affairs still does not surprise me. Maybe it’s becuz I dun really care about them. It’s not really that shocking. Like Tiger Jack are both successful men. What makes you think that they can be faithful? I always have this perception that men w $$$ is a push factor for them to cheat. Unless there is news that even Patricia Mok Xiaoling stands up & says, “Jack Neo also hit on me!!!”. Now THAT…. will be press-worthy news.


Patricia Mok (on left) breaks the camera lens w her smile, then force-kiss the guy in the pic

I can imagine a few scenarios on if I catch my bf cheating on me & finding out in different ways.

Scenario 1
Came home halfway suddenly becuz i was feeling sick. Realized that the room door is closed & I wonder why becuz we always leave it open. Opens door to see my bf & another girl in bed. (classic drama)…. now at this point in time, what would I do? I think will be stunned for like 5secs before the 2 of them realize that I’m standing there. I might:

(a) walk out of the door…. which is actually highly unlikely…
(b) rage war at the both of them with vulgarities & a lot of slapping
(c) run to the kitchen to get a knife before they can put their clothes back on… stab my bf in both legs first becuz he’s a runner & may escape really quickly… then i proceed to slash the girl / boy (depending who my bf is having the affair with… GAYS SHALL ALSO NOT BE SPARED) all over her / his private parts while shouting, “SEE HOW MUCH HE WILL LOVE YOU NOW, YOU FARKING BITCH!!!”… then proceed to tie my bf up while I literally put salt on his leg wounds… and slice his dick up and mince it and feed it back to him…. watch him puke & feeling gleeful… then call the ambulance so he wouldn’t die, then I jump off the building to commit suicide & let him live a regrettably sex’less life in a wheelchair. *YES!!! in heaven w angels giving me pats on my back*… it’s like ever since I watched the movie Legion, I’ve come to believe that angels are not an innocent as we thought, together with, bunnies.

Scenario 2
Found out that my bf is having an affair becuz while he was taking a shower, a girl sms’ed him lovey dovey stuff. I wait for him to come out of the shower then run to kiss him on the cheek, bite his ear off & spit it out the window. While he ouch in pain, I punch slap kick him in the balls to immobilize him. Then I shout at him that this is what he’s going to get when he cheats on me & tell him what i’m going to do to his dick later. He screams back in pain & I laugh in his face. When he tries to explain how the girl was infatuated w him & that he has been brushing her off but she still sends lovey dovey sms’es to him, I shut his mouth by sewing his lips together & tell him that if that’s the case, he should hv made a bigger effort in rejecting her. There is no fire w/o smoke. Then I go off to murder all his beloved family members & keep them as food for him. Torture him a few weeks by feeding him the flesh of his own family. Watch him lose his mind. Lets him go. Kills myself. *angels pat me on my back again, feeling proud*… hey angels have feelings too, you know. Justice must be served.

Ok, I think 2 scenarios are enough for now. But I can run a thousand more situations & torture methods in my head if I catch my bf flirt with another girl.

Anyway… I’m not as saintly as Jack Neo’s wife who claimed she knew about his affairs, but choose to accept him becuz “as long as she loves him, can already”. Fark that!

I’m not as forgiving as Tiger Woods’ wife who accompany her lecher husband to a sex addiction clinic. Go & die, sia!

Play a stunt like that & I will…. …. i will……. i will……….. run into a corner & cry like a wimp. *angels shake their heads at me & call me a wimp*… well, we wouldn’t know what exactly we will do in that kind of situation unless it happens, right? Maybe i blackout & start killing everyone? Maybe I turn his house into a torture chamber like Hostel? Maybe I run away & hide for 10yrs while plotting a mastermind plan like Law Abiding Citizen. Or play games with my cheating bf like Saw & let him choose which family member he wants to sacrifice? Or maybe I will just leave him & wallow in self-pity, doing nothing. Or go for plastic surgery & turn into a man.

*punch slap kick my Ter Kia*… SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get so easily affected once I immersed myself in negative situations… i shd stop doing it or i’ll start having sleepless nights & start hitting my bf in his sleep.

ps: Ter Kia = the little pink piglet pillow I put under my armpit while I sleep every night… although sometimes he falls off the bed & sleeps on the floor instead

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I DREAMT OF GHOSTS!

Yesterday afternoon, I met my ex-colleagues from Transware for lunch. And at the same time, collected my testimonial from my ex-boss. It was a well-written piece. I thank her.

Then I drove to my parent’s house at Pinnacle. And we got on topics like how i shd find a not too stressing job & on different family cultures. Around 6.30pm, my bf called me to tell me that he’s getting off work. So I went downstairs to meet him. (his office is very near my parent’s place).

Yesterday, my bf’s auntie was discharged from the hospital and stayed at my bf’s place. And will be there for a couple of months. She will be sleeping with his mother. This auntie’s son (Jason) also stayed over & slept in the empty room.

Last night, my bf threw a hissy fit. At one point, he flinged the blanket away & hitting me in the process, then he huff’ed & puff’ed to the toilet to pee. When he stormed back to bed, i asked him, “you so angry for wat?”

And he claimed that everytime when he was about to drift off to sleep, I kept grabbing him in a pulsating manner…. you know, like grip & release, grip & release…

we then had a mini argument & both drifted off to sleep.

In the morning about 7am, i was woken up by kisses. It was my bf kissing me before he left for work. In my heart I was snickering, “must be feeling very guilty”… but I decided to be a gracious person & forgave him.

Then I drifted back to sleep. And dreamt of ghosts.

Ok, if you thought that the first few parts of this post was actually already talking abt the dream, then you’re wrong. NOW then only I start with the dream. But why would I talk about my earlier part of the day? I dunno…. just thot I mentioned it, so that maybe you can help me decipher why I dreamt of ghosts??

In the dream, I woke up (how ironic is that) & was thinking of being kind. So I thot of asking if the rest of my bf’s family wanted to go out for lunch. So as I was nearing Jason’s room, I caught sight of this blurry image of a hunched old lady with braids in her shoulder-length hair…. sitting at the study table (which in real life, there is no study table in the empty room which Jason is sleeping in now). i got a shock & in my head in the dream, I thot to myself, “ok… if i back away slowly & quietly, she won’t notice that i’m behind her”. But before I moved, she turn her head around slowly & creepily… and I froze.

Then maybe it was a memory lapse becuz I can’t really rmbr what happened after this. But basically, I think the dream ended up at some supermarket like NTUC or something. i rmbr walking around & not really being able to find my way to some place.

The next thing I rmbr’ed was that I was back at the house… and someone told me that there is a little boy ghost. So I took a baseball bat & thot about bashing his head in. i even saw this image of what the boy would look like with his head bashed in… bloodied… and the head was caved in at so many odd places…. and he got really pissed at me and lurched at me with his hands outstretched like he wanted to strangle me. (O_O) ….. soooooo…. SOMEHOW, instinct told me that baseball bats wouldn’t work on ghosts. (-_-) … right. I looked at the little boy ghost (& mentally realized that he was really fat). I said to him, “ppl look for work is never for passion… it’s mainly for survival. But the fact that your father chose to be a policeman…. it really tells a lot about his character.”

WHY THE FARK DID I SUDDENLY TALK ABOUT HIS FATHER??!?!?!?!?

…………

…………

I’m a friggin GENIUS!!! Becuz the little fatty got into this depressed mood and I was cuddling him. Fat ghosts are light becuz I couldn’t feel any weight on me. Or maybe that’s becuz it’s only a dream.

Some other stuff happened in between but I can’t rmbr. I woke up for real. And got stressed out, wondering what time it was already. Not that I was late for work becuz I’m jobless now. But more like, what would my bf’s family think if I woke up at lunchtime?!?! So I grabbed my hp to check the time & it was merely 9:08am which is actually way too early for me to wake up, but I forced myself to becuz 9am is also considered too late for ppl to wake up in his family’s concept.

Now that I’m thinking about it…. I can’t decide which is more scary. Dreaming of ghosts or waking up late at my bf’s house?

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What I Cook Best!!!

YES I CAN COOK!!!!

And I have discovered my forte… INSTANT NOODLES!

Seriously it may seem like an easy thing to cook, but you can actually do it well if you want to.

Do you want to know my secret??????

Ok… those who read my blog will benefit from this becuz there IS a special technique to cooking the best tasting instant noodles with the right texture & superb mouth-watering soup:

1) control the fire to the exact temperature according to the thickness & stiffness of the instant noodles
2) test for wind direction, so that you’ll know where to move the instant noodles so that it will be evenly cooked
3) put in the noodles delicately & gently
4) pour any excess water out becuz you wan the soup base to be super yummy & not taste like murky water
5) put in the soup base & let the noodles soak in the yummy’ness!
5) pour entire contents into a bowl & slurp it all up!

Very skilful!!!

It’s so good you dun even need to add stupid things like eggs & veggies.

*beams proudly*

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SMS of the day

Got an sms from my bf on his first day of work.

“Work station update – my pc is a pentium 4 running on window xp. Using lotus 6.5 for email. My pc took about 10 min to restart and the same time to open the email. I am sitting directly under the air con and I am sweating. I suspected that there is a pegion living inside the aircon unit as I can hear Koo Koo Koo Koo Koo Koo.”

No spelling nor grammar nor verbs nor etc etc has been edited from his sms.

He hardly types such a lovely sms’es to me. Usually it’s like a half-hearted respond. =P

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The Right to Know

Before I go on, I think I should warn you that this might be a little depressing.

So turn away if you wan to lead a worry’less life!!!

——————

If you were going to die, would you want to know?

Would you want to know how long you’re going to live?

Would you want to prolong your life by going thru chemotherapy? Or you prefer to just go as quick as possible by skipping the chemo?

i was talking to alvin about this & his opinion was that he would prefer to go as quick as possible w/o the chemo. He said that 1 yr will be enough for him to settle whatever last things he wanted. And to go thru the chemo to prolong his life would just be cruel to his family. Everyone will be waiting for the next relapse. Everyone will be wondering when is it the day that he will go? Everyone will be wasting a lot of time & money on a sick dying person. It’s the waiting that is torturous.

then i asked mummy & daddy. Their point of view was that if they were rich, of course they will want to live as long as possible. But if they were poor or not so well-off, they might as well go faster. Why burden their children with bills? Then their children will in turn burden the relatives with bills.

personally, i feel that if i had cancer & i have to choose between:
(a) 1yr of living
(b) or go thru chemo & maybe there is a possibility to kill all the cancer cells & then wait for the next relapse,

I guess right now, i would choose (a). But if my children are still dependants, then i would prolong my life for as long as i can…. just in time to see them competent enough to earn a living, then i’ll go. However, right now, i have no children. I’m not married. I have a bf but he is competent enough to take care of himself & i know that he probably will not miss me THAT much after i’m gone *gloom gloom*… becuz he’s still young & can easily look for another partner.

Just like my mother told me about her auntie. This auntie had stomach cancer. She cannot eat or drink anything. So there is this wrap thing that she wears every single moment of her life… with this tube permanently inserted into her tummy. Food has to be mushed up into really tiny pieces, then practically POURED direct into that tube. Then when her kids graduated from university, this auntie………….. committed suicide by jumping off a building.

I guess the pain was just too much for her to bear. It was probably a relief for her the day her children graduated. Finally she can be released from her pain. What is it like to suffer like that for 20 yrs? Only she will know. What does it feel like for her to not be able to eat & instead pour mushy food down that tube that was connected to her tummy? We will never ever know & hope that we will never get to experience that.

Life is tough. On a more spiritual or superstitous standing, humans were put on this world to suffer. I am not a religious person, but I still believe in karma. Maybe there is someone up there watching us and keeping lots of notes & files of our lives. Some of us live with a silver spoon. Some go thru hardship for a reason. But ultimately, I guess we should all be on our best behaviours.

That said, should we have the right to know that we are down with cancer? I feel that we should know. To realize how precious life is & how we should treasure every single second with our loved ones. If we keep the illness a secret, then would the person continue to treat herself lightly? She would probably feel, “aiya… i’m just weak & need to take better care of myself”. But can she really be a determined person to make things right for herself & everyone else?

I know I will want to know if I have cancer.

So that I can really feel the need to treasure everyone around me now. Try & make myself better and live life to the fullest. Rather than thinking to myself, “oh it’s nothing much… it’s like having a flu”.

Wat would you want?

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