Palliative Drug

Get these thoughts out of my head!

If I were…

… smart, I wouldn’t be who I am. Dumb & lazy. JUST KIDDING. or maybe not kidding on the lazy part. But if I were smart, I wouldn’t have the friends I have today. I would have better friends who are rich & fabulous. JUST KIDDING. *kenna whacked with rotten eggs*… … kidding lahhhh. I am happy with my friends. So many memories… … We have grown together, been thru so much shit, peed in phone booths, picked up a severed finger in Pasir Ris chalet, puked in each other’s presence, got into fights, visited abandoned haunted places, criticised each other’s partners, praised each other’s partners, bullied those who bullied us, lied, cheat, fainted & got carried back home, cried, laughed, skipped school together, etc etc…

Not only friends… but the experiences I had been thru & learnt from… the bfs I had that lead to the one who truely is willing to be physically abused by me. And my siblings wouldn’t be on good terms with me becuz I’m smart… well, they’re smart now… but we wouldn’t be close if I was as smart as them becuz I’ll be burying myself in studies instead of finding time to disturb them.

… a guy, I think I would be a playboy in the early stages of my life. Then I would get deeply hurt by one girl whom really matters to me, and I would miraculously change myself to be a better man but will never be able to find another girl to love again until the age of 70 & she is 20.

… a past life, I would hv been a… a…. … … … an Executioner. Chopping heads off just for fun, but yet get highly paid for a job that nobody wants to do. I would be big guy with large triceps & defined biceps with a huge broad firm chest. But yet, I would be kind-hearted and take care of neighbourhood cats & dogs. Would I have a wife? hmmm… should I have a wife? Nope. I think I’ll just marry my pillow like this guy.

… an animal, I would like to be any cute small cuddly animal becuz I like cuddles. But i would have sharp teeth & claws just in case some pervert decides to perform beastiality on me. I ever have the misforture of knowing this ang moh guy who likes to stick his finger up his cat’s ass. He likes to sniff it as well. It was…. horrible. He said it’s becuz his cat is feeling lonely. i mean, wtf?!?! I think your grandmother is also feeling lonely, why dun you stick your finger up her ass??? you sick bastard. *really sticks his finger up his grandmother’s ass*… tat is so wrong.

… an object, I would be….. ….. …. a bra? No, some girls dun wash their bras often & intend to make yogurt out of it. A comb? yucks @ oily scalp & all sorts of hair problems. Ummm… aiya this is too tough to think. But I do know guys like to be a dildo or panties or something…. *eyes you knowingly*… i know youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

Ok, I’m just going to abruptly stop my blog post now becuz I’m tired.

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Slap Kick Punch!

I’m going to go crazy!!! *pulls out some of my hair while munching on homemade bread*.. I’m going to blog abt everything that sucks in my life in this present moment.

First of all, was down with a bad bad bad sore throat. Lots of antibiotics & cough syrup. Pee smelt of anitibiotics, I almost fainted each time the smell hits me. Cough syrup was delicious & emotionally satisfying though.

Work is going well except for this one time whr I forgot to send out the farewell email to this resigned lawyer on his last day. Then this guy actually sent out the farewell email to himself. omg. Everyone’s saying he was being sarcastic & ungentlemanly, but boils down to the core of it, it was essentially my error. And my error cause him to turn into an ugly person. Poor guy had to thank himself for his own services & contributions. I blame the cough syrup that made my brain function below normal.

Then there’s Facebook that is taking over my life. It’s like the only connection I have with ppl. I wish I could meet up with them, but they are either busy or I’m busy, or they prefer to leave the house late, but the timing that they choose to leave the house is actually about the time I’m getting ready for bed. They dun understand that old ppl like myself do not have the stamina to stay awake past 11pm.

Dislike the fact that my work area is super silent. Everyone around you can hear an embarrassing fart if you happen to let go one…. errmm… not that… i hv ever given out an… embarrassing fart or farts, but what I’m trying to say is IF i had to let out any bodily gas, it would be embarrassing becuz everyone can definitely hear it. The whole place is so quiet that even if you had scratch your armpits, they would be able to recognize the tone & pitch of it and will be able to identify it as armpit scratching… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … OH ALRIGHT I ADMIT IT. I did let go an accidental & very embarrassing “booitt”. Maybe not so accidental, but I didn’t expect my asshole passageway to not be able to loosen up enough at that moment to release an airy & almost silent “pfffff”. Instead, it had to be all tensed up & went “booitt”. To be more accurate, it was more of a “booitt..t..t..tttttt”. Sigh.

I hv been in search for a new pair of nice & comfy shoes. But notice how hard it is to find shoes that dun disfigure your feet or toes? I especially hate covered shoes becuz for some reason, my middle toe always get a painful blister in the exact same spot all the time. And my 2nd toe is twisted in this weird manner whr its head tilts towards Big Toe & it rotates abt 20 degree towards Big Toe as well. Imagine tat. It either likes Big Toe a lot… or it was a result of a childhood insecurity whr I purposely wore smaller size shoes so tat my kangaroo feet would either (1) stop growing or (2) look smaller than it shd be or (3) both. One day, I will take a picture of it when I hv finally gotten over my insecurities… which I do have a lot.

I should also keep reminding myself that there are ppl who are just looking for emotional support & not looking for the Voice of Reason. Stop offending ppl, bitch. “You can’t handle the truth”, says Tom Cruise. I must rmbr that.

Nobody wants to go Universal Studios with meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Everyone’s afraid of malfunctioning of the rides. Although enough ppl hv died in Fantasy Island for it to close down, we shd all hv faith that Universal Studios will be different. Right??? RIGHT??? What could happen? Final Destination is JUST a movie. *sudden cold breeze*… brrrrrrrrrrrrrr… ying1 fong1 zhen4 zhen4… …. realize how movies are always based on human fears?

I’m quite sure my greatest fear would be… … … i dunno. Balding? Shitting my pants in public? Peeing in public again? again???  yes, again. I peed in public before. i’m not even talking abt pulling your pants down & hiding behind bushes to do it. And I’m not referring to the age whr mummy potty-trained me. I shall now reveal the one secret tat nobody knows (not even my shadow becuz it was so traumatising that I covered my shadow’s eyes so she couldn’t see). The truth is…………….. I… HAVE… PEED… IN PUBLIC when I was like… 14 or 15 yrs old or something. It’s the age whr you’re not expected to lose any control over your bladder activities in public. On the floor of a video rental store in Potong Pasir. THERE! I SAID IT! Dun judge me. It has never happened again. I swear. It will probably happen again in 40yrs’ time on my deathbed. But not at tis very moment. I do still wonder if the store assistants in tat video rental store ever realized whr tat pool of water was from.

anywayz…

I’m playing Amateur Surgeon on iPhone. It’s a very disturbing game. You get to cut ppl up, staple their wounds, burn it & apply lotion on it, electrocute them, saw their body parts up, give them injections by selecting cockscrew + lotion, etc etc (trust me, all these are actually to save their lives). I hate it when I proceed to dream abt all that when I’m sleeping. It’s like… I’m still playing Amateur Surgeon repeatedly over & over again. Then when I wake up, I feel nothing enjoyable abt that game on iPhone anymore. Same thing happened for The Sims, Command & Conquer, Angry Birds, Plants vs Zombies, etc etc. I think my dreams are taking away all the fun in everything I do in the day. ND is probably wishing that I would dream abt physically abusing him so that I’ll leave him alone in the day.

hmm… let’s see what else sucks in my life. BODY HAIR. Nobody shd hv hairs apart from the top of your head, eyebrows & eyelashes. I guess nostril hairs & ear hairs are ok becuz they have to block dirt out. But hairs on hands / arms / fingers / body / legs / toes / pee pee area / armpits / any other weird places (like nipples & butthole or crack?) are not appetizing on a girl. Plus girls dun reap any benefits from having body hair.

Stupid UOB doesn’t wan to release my 5k in this investment thingy! You said you’ll only lock my 5k for 3yrs… and in the end, it became 5yrs!! And who knows, after that 5yrs, they decide it’s funny & lock it up for another 5yrs. GO TO HELL, UOB!!! RELEASE MY 5000 NOW!!! Mental Note to Self: must learn from experience & only believe in fixed deposits (tat are not from UOB… … bias already).

The ends of my hair tend to frizzle up & turn curly. I shd take a pic of what it looks like. I used to cut the ends whenever I see farked up ones, but I can’t do it now becuz of this Mean Little Old Lady (MLOL) at my new workplace. In the past, whenever I feel tat my fingernails are causing discomfort when I’m typing on the keyboard, I would whip out a nail clipper & clip clip clip then toss the nails into the dustbin. Or when I’m looking down at some documents & this strand of farked up hair happens to be in my line of vision, I would grab a scissors & snip it then toss the hair into the dustbin. BUT… ever since MLOL enters my life with rumors of her voodoo magic & love for searching thru our garbage, I hv refrained from doing all these snipping & cutting & clipping. It’s not that I believe in voodoo magic or being superstitious or what…. but I’m a great believer in “Prevention is better than Cure”. So just in case voodoo is true & real in this world, I might as well avoid letting her cast a spell on me. Tat creepy Mean Little Old Lady. But apart from not being able to freely cut my hair or nails at work, she has brought much entertainment to my life. Too bad I’m not able to post her picture here. All I can say is you’ll be surprised at how creepy she looks in real life. Mean’ness is written all of her pale flawless white skin. Dun think she has any eyelashes. Nor conscience.

Wondering also, why can’t life be more like the Sims. Where if you want to grow up faster, just press Speed 3 & time will pass in fast forward motion. And if you’re already rich in experience & leading a great life, you can drink this green liquid thing called the Elixer of Life & you’ll become younger by a fraction. Pregnancy only lasts for a week or so. Babies are born from the diamond-shaped icon above your head & then fall nicely into your arms.

ARGH. Lower backache now. I’m going to buy some Salonpas.

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Alvin’s 28th (or is it 29th? oh heck i can never rmbr) Birthday

Wow, his birthday was like… in April & I’m only blogging abt this in June.

hahahahaha… but i promise the pictures are cute… (ie: me)… just kidding… or maybe not.

dum dum dum… on the way to Vivocity…

Gina always looks gleeful when she’s able to sponge off others… in this case, me… becuz I’m the one treating the whole family to Dian Xiao Er. The place has ridiculously delicious duck.

Alvin looks surprised in tis pic becuz he doesn’t get out much. He probably saw a bird fly past & was like, “EAGLE!”… and we would be like, “calm down… it’s only a sparrow”.

At Dian Xiao Er, camwhoring in progress…

Ok, now pretend that there are a whole bunch of pictures on delicious saucy duck, green veggies, fat oily meat & hot herbal soup… (becuz we didn’t take any food pictures)…

Then fast forward 1.5 hrs later, Alvin & Gina demands ice-cream from Ben & Jerry’s.

Then we walked around for a bit in Vivocity & saw this plane-boat thing that received some media hype.


And a lame attempt to capture the view of Sentosa across the waters… i think that’s… Universal Studios or something.  What do I know.  Nobody ever brings me out to anywhere fun… *quick side-glance to Dummy*…

Then a whole bunch of blurry pictures taken in the night… eh… give me some credit, ok.  I’m only using my Sony Ericsson Satio hp to take these pictures & not some DSLR camera.  Speaking of this…. digressing a bit here, wat do all of you think of the Olympus Pen EP1 DSLR camera??

Then we went back into Vivocity & viewed the Singapore Maritime Week Photography Competition.  And was sua-ku’ly surprised at this picture…

It’s our new house!

But the picture that got all of us captivated was this…

I know you can’t really see it in this pic… but in real life, I assure you that it was very very 3D.  Like watching How To Train Your Dragon with 3D glasses.  It was THAT nice.
I overheard Daddy snickering to Mummy something about “the same since young”… “never change”… “still like a small kid”… … and I immediately swirled around & kaypoh’ed, “daddy daddy daddy… wat wat wat… tell me tell me”… (insert VERY VERY kaypoh expression here)… and Daddy point point at Alvin & snicker snicker somemore.

Everyone thinks it’s funny & the Lau family (+1 Chew) is so big on humilating others…

Did I also mention that we all love to take pictures & camwhore in public?

If you haven’t realized, I’m mostly hunched in the pics.  I wonder why.

Alvin is always looking at some far distance & not in the camera, but somehow that looks good.

Gina is always looking gleeful with her signature toothy grin. So cute I wanna smack it.

Before I end my blog post, 1 last pic…

(^_^)v

End!

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Lonely & Deserted

*sits in front of my blog screen w/ a cold hard breeze blowing against my face*… wooosh sh woo sh woooooo shhh…

*watches a dry ball of hay roll across the desert sands & in the far distance a crow picking dead meat off a carcass*…

wow… typical screenshot of an abandoned blog…

But seriously, I dun feel very funny nowadays. Is it becuz I have matured? Or is it becuz i dun try to be funny anymore & therefore, I matured.

Not much is happening either. Well… actually I have taken a lot of pictures, but never got around to upload them. But I will. Maybe within this week (which I always say I’ll do it but never do).

I got a new job at a law firm. Probation period was supposed to be 3 months, but Number 2 & my immediate manager must be very impressed w my work, so they confirmed me in 2 months. YAY! So glad that my work is being recognized & appreciated!! I vow to strive harder! The only thing that is demotivating will be the lack of challenges in this job. It’s so unlike my previous logistics company. I used to do more superivisory & higher level duties, but now I’m doing administrative & easy jobs that doesn’t require a lot of brain power. The work days can be busy, but simple… if you kw what i mean. sigh… i’m so afraid i might so senile one day & start asking ppl to feed me every 1/2 an hour.

gei wo yi dian chi de ba… (translation: give me something to eat)…

Also, recently I’m starting to get a little too obsessed with facial products. I blame Gina Lau for this. She recently went to Korea w her 2 lookalike friends (actually all 3 of them look so similar). There, she bought like… $200 (oh wait… it’s like… $1000) worth of products from Face Shop, Skin Food & Nature Republic. Although you think that it’s crazy, but tat’s becuz these products are more expensive in Singapore. Here, 1 mask sheet costs like $4 & a face mask cream type costs like $20+. In Korea, it’s 1 for $1 for mask sheets & $6 for the mask cream type. HOW FARKING CHEAP IS THAT?!?!?! And wat’s worse is now I wan to complain to Nature Republic!!! Gina bought this Home Made Recipe Green Tea mask from Nature Republic Korea. Trust me, it’s SUPER good. I used it just twice & my horrific skin infection actually cleared up! So I went on this islandwide hunt at all Nature Republic stores (actually only 2 stores here), but they do not carry this product yet. ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! FRUSTRATED!!!! GLOOM GLOOM GLOOM!!! *throws lightning bolts everywhere just to punish the world for Nature Republic’s fault*… … … anyone else going to Korea? Buy for meeeeeeee!!!

(Speaking of horrific skin infection, I am NOT posting pics of that up here becuz it was super gross, besides, I’m cured now.)

hmmm… wat other updates in my life that i can share with my decendants who fly around in spacecrafts (pls see previous blog post on Legacy)… hmmmm…

oh oh… i will insist that they watch Big Bang Theory. It’s one of the classic nerd series ever made in history. I watched season 1 and almost died. I wonder where Sheldon gets his checkered pants……… so cool….

I must promote that the Ban Mian at 2nd level Bishan bus interchange is damn farkin good. I think the store is called Sim Lim Square Home Made Noodles. If you’re ever there to eat, please order Number 6 from the Ban Mian store just beside the drinks counter. It’s dry Ban Mian. I eat it religiously that the owners will recite my very specific order the second they see me, “Liu Hao (Number 6). Sao la, duo chu, jia yi dian hei jiang (translation: less chilli, more vinegar, add a bit of black sauce)… ”

*gulpppppppppppppppppp*… totally salivating now. How I wish they will open up more branches, especially in Suntec. I confirm eat it everyday & will promote Number 6 to ALLLLLLLLLL my colleagues. Seriously, it’s THAT good. And if I see them not ordering Ban Mian Number 6, I will know they are nuts. Who wouldn’t want to eat Sim Lim Square Ban Mian everyday?????? JIAK JIAK (translation: eat eat)… *force feeds colleagues w crazy look in my eyes & crooked grin*… JIN HOR JIAK!!! (translation: super nice to eat)…

Speaking of crazy’ness, i have a Tea Lady whom I will note her down in history (she deserves it truely & surely):

1) Mean Little Old Lady – who has yelled & scolded at everyone in the office. Threatened to scald me w hot water. Purposely splash leftover coffee on another colleague but it was a near-miss. Picks up random hairs on the floor to burn them while chanting. Unmarried & childless, whom Weiliang has offered to marry her which I think it’s an excellent choice becuz I’m guessing she damn farkin rich. And probably after Weiliang has offered his youthful self to her on their wedding night, the Mean Little Old Lady might finally be at peace w everyone in the office.

Alright. Make a list of things I wan to put in my next blog post:

1) I will put up pictures of the Green Tea mask from Nature Republic which we cannot get in Singapore. Everyone must complain w me!!! Ok?? Steady??? ON!!
2) Odd building color spotted in Tanjong Pagar
3) Pictures of caterpillas in different colors & a cocoon just outside my house
4) Delicious prawn noodle store
5) Mummy’s Day celebration @ Vivocity
6) Drunkards at Pinnacle
7) Chio shoes
8) Shit-stained car
9) Newspaper clippings that make you go “AIYO”
10) Camwhore pics

Kiss!

God I’m hungry now. I must learn never to blog about food.

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Legacy

I feel like a different person. I will blog more often. Record all my events, thoughts & happenings on my blog. So that when one day, when I’m old enough to have Alzheimer’s disease, at least someone can let me read my own blog & I might start to recall the good ole times.

If you think about it, blogs are like a memory of who you are. When you have passed on, your children can get their children to read your blog & get to know what their grandma/pa was like when they were around on earth. Then their children will get their children to read it too, and so on. So you see. Blogs create your very own legacy. I wan my own legacy.

Also, imagine if you took a picture of your car now. Then 1000 years later, if the earth is still around, your future descendants who will be living in a world similar to… i dunno… Star Trek or something, will be able to view your blog and proudly say to their friends, “see! my grandma/pa had one of those vintage cars before!”… then they buzz off in their little auto-pilot hoover crafts to go to school up in the clouds.

Isn’t this thought EXCITING?????

We should all create our own legacy.

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